3 posts in 1 day, you’ll be getting terribly sick of me soon!

Hurting tonight, hurting so bad. I’d almost forgotten just how much this hurts. And it seems silly for it to be hurting so bad now, why now? We’ve been trying for #3 for about 12 months now. But this cycle was the first month we truly had hope, that we started to let ourselves think of all those good “what if”s. We invested ourselves heart and soul. Stupid. We should know better.

Now we hurt. And cry. And the stupidest of things set it off. Hurts. Aches. So hard not to give in to the thoughts of well maybe we just aren’t meant to be parents to 3 children. Maybe there isn’t another babe out there waiting for us like our hearts are telling us. Perhaps we’re just being greedy and should be happy with the 2 precious darlings we have and not long for more. But how do you switch your heart off? How do you stop that deep desire, that longing, that need, how do you stop the yearning? In theory, stopping would be the easy option, no more hurt and pain month after month. But it would just be replaced with the heart ache of yearning, of always wondering if the next cycle would have been the one.

So for now, we do what we can. We hurt. We try. We wait. And we try to be patient, try to trust that there is a little soul out there waiting for us. They’re just not ready for us yet. Maybe soon. Maybe not. But we’ll wait. We might not wait with patience, but we’ll wait.

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