This journey is a lonely one. Yes, I have friends who I can confide in and a husband to hold me when I cry. But at the end of the day, their lives continue while I’m swallowing pillows, injecting and pee-ing on sticks.

Many forums have TTC threads but even there it’s hard to find a place where I belong. In the standard threads I’m too cynical, have been hurt by this journey too many times and seen others hurt worse than me to be able to look at it with any kind of joy. And the ever increasing pregnancy count cuts like a knife. The long term trying to conceive threads I feel I don’t have any right posting in. They are filled with women struggling for their first child, what right have I, a woman blessed with 2 beautiful children, got to invade their space? I offer them my support but keep my journey here.

It’s a hard road, a lonely road. And every journey is different, every path has different bumps and road blocks awaiting the traveller. Some sail through the journey with nary a scratch, while others come out battered and bruised. There’s no way of knowing which traveller you are until you take the first steps.

But it’s lonely out here, broken and alone.